Journey of a Novel

On and Off

2010-04-03T22:01:00.003+05:30

It's been an on and off day in terms of writing. It is the weekend after all. I spent most of the day running errands and didn't have much time to spend on the computer. But the little bits and pieces of minutes I did get went straight into my writing. I have no illusion that I'm going to be able to write on the weekends, and I also have no illusion that I'm going to write every day. But there's no pressure, since I'm going to work on this slowly, deliberately and constantly.

For now though, I'm exhausted.

Remember Me?

2010-04-02T19:15:00.002+05:30

Hey!

It's been a while. Book projects have been on hold as life and "day job" have taken over. I have a day job I love and am very passionate about. Have I ever told you that? How lucky I am to have two loves, hey?

Anyway, I haven't mourned any of the lack of writing on any of the novel attempts or that solo memoir attempt simply because I've been too busy enjoying the rest of my life.

But as always, I'm back to where I started. Word no. 1. Sentence no. 1. Paragraph no. 1. I'm not going to give up trying. It might take months or years, maybe even decades, but one of these days I'll surprise you and finish a novel.

Attempt no. 3 starts today. The goal is 800 words a day, hopefully more. I only have an hour a day to spare though, so I better make it count.

Discovery or Fill-in-the-Blanks?

2009-06-24T13:59:00.000+05:30

I've been writing on an average of 1,600 words a day, which is double the goal I set for myself. I'm pretty pleased. If you remember, the novel had come along at such a sluggish pace that I doubted myself almost immediately.

I have very little self-doubt with this book. I'm pretty sure I'm going to finish it, and finish it well.

That's not to say that the current words I'm writing don't suck. Oh, they do. A lot of it is telling myself what to write instead of actually writing, but I like this way better-- I'm smoothing out the plot and the scenes before actually getting into them and writing them. I'm creating a structure. And once I'm done with the structure, I'll be able to start filling it in.

A non-fiction technique, that is. But I'm used to working like that, I suppose, and it seems to be working.

Maybe, I'm beginning to think, the last two efforts haven't really worked out because I'm not a panster. I need to know what my story is-- what exactly the scenes and the characters are before I get in and start writing.

For me, writing isn't a discovery. I see it as filling in the gaps, the missing pieces.

So far, it seems to be working.

Go, Go, Go!

2009-06-23T19:03:00.004+05:30

Wow, I'm pounding out words on this thing. I've written over two thousand words today, and I'm pretty sure I have at least a thousand more in me. I do have other pressing matters to attend to, so I don't know if I'll be able to sit down and knock 'em out, but if I get a free minute, boy, will I!

All right, I'm going to get going again. Strike the iron while it's hot and all that. (I promise, I'm not using all those clichés in my book!)

How's your writing going?

Plotting and the Left-Brained Stuff

2009-06-23T17:30:00.002+05:30

I'm currently in the middle of what is, in fiction, considered extensive plotting. I'm not really focusing as much on getting the words right, as much as I'm intent on getting the order of the scenes and events right.

As this is a memoir, there aren't any curves that my characters that will suddenly get thrown that I don't know about. I know exactly what happens and how, and I just have to make sure I've positioned everything correctly so that there's some payoff for the reader. Very left-brained work.

Got another 1,000 words down today. They're not very pretty words, but they're giving me an idea of how I want to structure this story and the way in which I'm going to tell it. I'm sure I can pretty it up later.

Pep Talk of the Day

2009-06-22T16:00:00.001+05:30

I plopped my ass into a chair and just got this sucker done today. As much fun as it is, I simply cannot afford to whine any longer. This is a job. True, it is a job I love, but it is a job nonetheless. When I'm working on my articles-- my non-fiction work-- there is simply no way I can complain about writer's block or lack of inspiration or motivation or whatever. I have to get it done. I have deadlines, I have bills, and I have to meet them come hell or high water.

So why can't I do the same with this?

And the reason, while not pleasant, is simple: because I can. Because there's no one holding a sword up to my head and saying that you have to get it done. Because I don't lose income, my reputation, or my dependability for editors. And since those variables aren't involved and there's much less at stake, I give myself a pass. Oh, it's fiction, it's memoir, I say. No one's paying me for it. I can't do it. It's too hard. It's not like journalism. I'm already good at journalism.

What bollocks.

Yes, there's no one paying me to do this (yet), but if I've decided to do it, I should just go ahead and do it, right? You would think it would be that simple.

I know it isn't all that simple, but it doesn't have to be a mountain of work either. I've found that I can easily crank out 500 to 1,000 words in an hour, even if they're crap. So why not just sit down and do it?

That is the plan with this book. No more excuses. No more waiting. It doesn't matter how difficult it is. It's a new challenge. And I'm more than willing to take it up.

I am writer. Watch me roar!

Pressure or No Pressure, This Thing Will Get Done

2009-06-18T12:19:00.001+05:30

I got 812 words in today. I have to keep reminding myself that this is just the first draft and I can't tell myself it sucks until I'm at least halfway in, at which point, hopefully, I'll know that regardless of the words, I'm on a good path (or not!).

But for now, I'm just getting started and I'm not supposed to be putting any pressure on myself. Even though there is pressure. This book already has interest from someone who can market it. They like the topic, they like my voice. There is absolutely no reason, none, for me to give up on this one. I just have to pull through and prove that I have what it takes.

So there is a little bit of pressure. But I keep reminding myself that the first draft is just that -- a first and a draft. I'll have time to revisit it later.

Back, but on a New Track

2009-06-17T14:22:00.001+05:30

Ah, it's been over six months since I last posted on this blog, and since then, life has changed quite drastically. All good, but for the sake of anonymity, I'll spare you the details.

I finally gave up on the book I was writing. Given the state of the economy, I had to put my entire focus on my paying work, and hence the novel got put on the back burner. When I finally returned to it, I simply had no will to execute it.

It was gone.

In its place is a new book. Not fiction, but memoir.

I thought very hard about this. Whether my lack of motivation was for the book I was writing, for fiction, or something else. I've realized now, after some introspection, that maybe there's a novel in me somewhere, but it's not ready to come out yet.

This book is.

I'm going to continue my 800 words a day regimen again. I can't do it every day this time-- weekends are likely out, as are the days when I'm working. It's a luxury to even have work in this economy so I'm trying very hard to keep it that way!

I'll update the blog on the days that I do write. I'm sure there will be struggles along the way. I'll be sharing.

Slowing the Pace

2009-01-20T01:34:00.000+05:30

Oh, how it pains me to write this blog entry. I am happy for all that is happening in other parts of my life, yet I am sad for what this will mean for my novel writing.

I am not quitting. I will continue to write when I can. "When I can" being the operative phrase here.

I have been offered the chance to write a book. A non-fiction book. It's a very short deadline, which means that while I'll still be writing articles by day, I'll be working on this book by night. I'm going to try and keep at the novel, but the daily goal of 800 words a day seems almost impossible when I consider that I have to write at a pace of 2,000 words a day in order to finish the book on time. I've also got at least four articles due before the end of the month.

I haven't lost the passion for my novel, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to continue writing it, even if it's at a slower pace. But that's the point of my post, I guess-- a slower pace. I can't update three times a day like I have been doing in the past.

So, until I see you again-- today, tomorrow, a week from now, who knows?-- happy writing. Keep those words flowing.

I'll be back with a progress report soon.

On a Roll

2009-01-11T00:50:00.000+05:30

Aren't I Ms. Productive today. Before 12 p.m., and I've already written over 2,400 words. That, my friends, is what I like to call a comeback.

Not that I'm bragging or anything.

I'm so tired. I've been working all night (doing the night shifts again), so I'm off to bed. See you tomorrow!

Readers will judge the quality, not the time taken

2009-01-10T19:16:00.000+05:30

Despite my negativity, I've finished my words for the day. Persistence, I tell ya.

I think I'll be okay now going forward. The writing every day habit, the 800 words a day habit, is a good one. It keeps those fiction muscles flexed, and it makes me feel confident that I can go on.

I'm currently reading The Time Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger. Her first novel. A brilliant, brilliant piece of work. I'm amazed that this is actually her first novel. What a great concept. If you've been reading this blog from the beginning, you'll know that I love alternate realities. I love concepts such as time travel and lives split apart. My own novel is not time travel, but it is lives split apart into different worlds. Obviously, I'm reading TTTW and feeling absolutely and utterly talentless.

I went to Niffenegger's site, however, so that I could torture myself a bit more, and read through her bio. Do you know how long it took her to write this novel? Four and a half years. She worked on it regularly during weekends, at night, and on holidays. She has a day job, after all.

Four and a half years. For a novel as complex and wonderful as this? I'm not surprised. My novel is not as complex, but that time period gives me hope.

It's not about the time you take to write it. It's about the quality of the work. There's no rush. As long as I keep at it, day after day, every day.

So far, so good.

Paralyzing Fear

2009-01-10T18:52:00.000+05:30

I do know better. I may have had a break of a month, but before that I was writing fiction daily. Yet, I'm coming back to my work extremely agitated and nervous.

I'm scared. I'm scared that it's not good enough, I'm scared that I don't know what the heck I'm doing, I'm scared that I'm going to be working on this novel for the next ten years without having a clue, and I'm scared that I'm not talentless.

Ah, the usual paralyzing fear.

Except that I'm determined not to let it stand in my way this time. I've given up before. I've tried and failed. I have to remember that I have nothing to lose, really. If this one doesn't work out, I can go back to a career that I already have, knowing that I tried.

But, to be fair, what's the reason that it wouldn't work out? There's always editing, there's always rewriting. I, a professional writer, should know that.

So it might take two years, five years, ten years. Is that so bad?

Revisiting

2009-01-10T16:34:00.000+05:30

In order to get back into my story again, I decided to read what I'd already written.

Oh my.

I was scared going in because I knew that I haven't exactly written flawless prose and there's a lot that's going to make the perfectionist part of my brain want to run to the nearest toilet bowl and throw up repeatedly.

But I survived. And the good news is that it's not bad. I didn't immediately want to watch re-runs of Gilmore Girls and eat nachos.

Oh, but there's so much work to do still. I'm only just getting into the meat of the story. I think I have a somewhat vague idea now, a better one than I did before, of what exactly I'd like this story to be. I'm cutting out the travel that I mentioned earlier. Me thinks that's a whole other book, so I'm not going to get into that.

You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you? Maybe I should start sharing a little bit of the story here as well. Not details, but maybe names of characters or small things like that, which might make this rambling journal a little bit more interesting.

We'll see.

I can't say I have renewed passion for this work again. But I'm still excited about it. Enough to continue down this path and keep going on those 800 words.

They're just coming a little slower today.

I is Back

2009-01-10T13:13:00.000+05:30

Holy cow, that was a long vacation, wasn't it?

I've been back to work for the last one week, but it's only now that I'm getting to fiction writing again. There was a lot to catch up on.

How were your holidays?

I haven't set any major new goals or resolutions this year when it comes to my fiction writing. The previous goals still stand-- 800 words a day, every day, until the first draft is finished. Then, I'll go back and revise. If I can have a finished, ready-to-submit novel by the end of this year, I'll have achieved my goals.

In the month that I've been away from the writing, I've had some ideas and tangents that could possibly be explored, but for the most part, I've found that I'm somewhat disconnected from the story.

Today or tomorrow, whenever time permits, I'm going to give it a read-through, see what scenes I have, and maybe organize them on index cards. I'm at a point in the novel that I don't really know where I'm going and what blanks I've left unfilled, so I need to fill those in for the sake of the story and what's to come. I've forgotten a large part of what I wrote.

It's time to revisit. 354 words so far today. It's taking a lot more effort to get back into the writing. Oh, why did I ever stop?

Bring Out the Champagne!

2008-12-13T11:11:00.000+05:30

20,000 words.

She's done it, ladies and gentlemen.

This means that I'm off for the next three weeks. I may add more words, who knows, but I'm not counting on it. And I'm not really sure I'll come back here and post even if I do.

So for now it's goodbye, happy holidays, and happy writing. I'll be back first week of January, and we'll reembark on this crazy adventure once again.

Don't stop writing, people. Butt In Chair.

See you next year.

Taking Flight

2008-12-13T09:57:00.000+05:30

The story has grown wings. Or maybe arms and legs. Something. It's taken on a bit of a life of its own, and like a toddler who wants to explore everything and poke his head into every corner of every wall of every room, my story's misbehaving and I'm finding myself all over the place trying to find some iota of control.

There's a good chance that I'm going to have to cut out a huge chunk of what I've written thus far. There's a good chance that a sub-plot might become the main plot. There's a good chance that characters who were secondary may not be secondary at all.

But true to my initial goal, I'm going to continue writing. I'm not going to try and force the story one way when it may be better going in a different direction. I'm just going to keep going until I hit 80,000, and then I'll sit back and see what's the strongest thread and where I should take it.

Right now, I have threads. But I don't have the perspective. I don't have the complete whole.

What I might do, however, is before I get to work on this again after my holiday, is make a flowchart regarding the plot. See the various options available and how things could go. Streamline it a little without completely reigning it in.

Interesting, interesting.

What You Can Do in Three Weeks

2008-12-12T10:46:00.000+05:30

It's been less than a month since I started writing this novel. About three weeks. Three weeks and I'm almost up to 20,000 words!

You mean those false starts, those unfinished novels, those plots that went nowhere-- all I needed to do was sit down and write the damn thing?

It's still not written, so let's not get ahead of ourselves here, but I'm farther ahead than I've ever been. It's made a real difference that I've stuck around this one and given it a good shot.

I'm feeling pretty good about my progress. And yep, seeing as there are three full days before Sunday, I do hope to hit 20,000 words before I go on holiday. Woo!

When Words Flow

2008-12-12T09:22:00.000+05:30

I'm not going to say much, because right now, I'm really saving my words for the novel, but I've written almost 2,800 words today, and I think I still have some more in me.

So I'm off to write some more. Meanwhile, here's my progress bar.

Those Darned Middles

2008-12-12T05:44:00.001+05:30

The road to publication is strewn with the bones of men who faltered and died during the mid-book.

- James D. Macdonald, Absolute Write Forums

Can I just say how true this is?

I've reached the middle. Because I'm skipping scenes and writing without a fixed outline, I have somehow managed to get over the beginning and reach the middle of my book. I'm going to go back and fill those scenes in, the ones that I know I must write but didn't the first time around as I was busy moving the story forward. However, in terms of the story if not the word count, I've reached the middle.

And like predicted, it's sagging a little. I'm determined not to give up even though it's getting tough. I don't know if this "tough" is going to last a few days or be a pain in the backside for a while, but regardless, I'm motivated enough to move past it.

This is the real test for me, I think. There's another idea that calls to me, there's other writing to be done, and I've reached the hardest part.

Will I get through it? I hope so. Watch this space for more.

20 per cent!

2008-12-12T00:31:00.000+05:30

There! That's something to be proud of. I'm 1/5th my way into the book. Now non-fiction conditions permitting, I can go off and enjoy my time away from the computer.

I have a feeling I'll be writing more in the days before Sunday, and if I were able to reach 20,000 words that would be fantastic, but I'm going to take that pressure off, and just get my act together for the big holiday.

You'll probably still be seeing me around for the next few days before I pull a vanishing act on Sunday.

Blank Slate

2008-12-11T05:07:00.000+05:30

The three days that I've spent away from fiction were spent in writing a non-fiction piece that had a very short deadline and hence, was made my priority.

But what I find wildly amusing about the whole process was that it took me three days-- three DAYS-- to write and polish 1,500 words.

The journalism and novel writing processes are so different, as I'm now discovering. I've written more than 2,000 words today, and if I wanted, I'd be able to polish them up in a few hours. None of that fact-checking, research, and thorough analysis that is demanded by non-fiction. Of course, every word needs to shine, and every word needs to move the book forward, and none of it can be disposed off easily. However, I find that you have more freedom in fiction. Maybe that's why I've felt a pull to it. I want to use fiction to voice what I haven't been able to in my non-fiction.

Regardless, it's fascinating to me to see how different the two processes are. And yet the core of it comes down to one simple thing: putting one word after the other on a blank slate.

Rough Terrain

2008-12-11T03:33:00.000+05:30

I've probably mentioned this before, but the more I write, the easier it gets. The first day I started writing-- and I've documented it so you can go back and check-- it took me three sittings to get the 800 words out, even though it was the beginning and I had a lot to say.

But now, weeks later, even as I continuously run out of twists and turns, and find myself in situations I need to get out of, the words are coming easier. I've written over 1,600 words today, and let me tell you, they were not hard. I'm aiming for another thousand or so today, because I'm a little less stressed out than usual, and I've gotten into the groove, and also because even as I continue to struggle with where my story is going, the words are helping me put those thoughts on to the paper and explore the terrain with my characters.

I'm fairly certain now that the rewrite is going to be frustrating. It's because of the way I've approached this thing. Right now, I'm trying to figure out the plot, then I'm going to have to go back and start the foreshadowing. And only then will I able to focus on the language and whether or not the language is what I want it to be. Right now, I'm building a world. And once I've built that world, it'll be time to go back and smooth out the rough edges. And then will come the play.

Who said this was easy?

And the Plot Goes to Hell

2008-12-11T01:31:00.000+05:30

This was not supposed to happen. I was not supposed to write myself into a corner this soon into the story. And my protagonist was not supposed to travel.

No. No, no, no.

*sigh*

Now she's heading to a whole different country, a whole different continent, and unfortunately for me, it seems like the only logical solution to this story. And my protagonist was not supposed to do this, precisely because it's what *I* have done in the past, and my protagonist is not me. In fact, I made sure that she would be absolutely nothing like me.

And yet, here's this person, a person I created specifically so that she wouldn't take decisions like this, and I've written her into this corner, and to my logical writerly brain, there is only one solution that fits this character: travel. If I were in this position, that would be the totally wrong solution. For her? It's perfect.

How the hell did this happen?

I have a feeling this book is going to turn out very differently from how I initially envisioned it.

Hectic, hectic, hectic

2008-12-11T00:50:00.000+05:30

It's been a rough week about to get rougher. I go on holiday starting this Sunday, and everyone's suddenly realized that there's work they'd like me to do.

I like the work. I appreciate the work. Heck, in this economy, I need the work.

But I've been waiting for this holiday for so long. I've been working 18-hour days, seven days a week, simply so that I could take this holiday. So I'm going to take it. No matter what.

In the meantime, I realize that my fiction is suffering. I'm going to make some extra effort today. I've decided that all I need to do is touch my 20% by Sunday. Doesn't matter if I do it in a day or in four. But I'm going to finish off those last 3,000 words. Some way, somehow.

Wish me luck!

Quote of the Day

2008-12-06T20:37:00.000+05:30

"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

- Samuel Beckett

Writing is Writing

2008-12-06T20:10:00.000+05:30

Am I kicking ass or what?

There's a reason for that, I suppose. There's this tough article I'm supposed to write for my day job-- you know, the journalism gig-- and I'm procrastinating on that.

I guess it's not too bad if I'm still producing output, even if it's in a completely different way. I'm going to get angry e-mails from my editor soon if I don't get back to work. Watching the percentages go up on the tracker is so addictive though.

I'll be back.

What I Didn't Know 10K Ago

2008-12-06T16:54:00.000+05:30

So let me tell you what I know now that I didn't know 10,000 words and 16 days ago.

* I know that it's hard not to judge yourself as you go, but if you manage to, you'll have a good chance of getting the dang thing written.

* I know that every word you write makes you better, even if it doesn't feel like it will in the beginning.

* I know that it gets easier to write 800 words every day when you eventually start doing it regularly.

* I know that you don't have to know exactly everything when you write the first sentence, the first paragraph. All you need to know is a rough beginning, a rough ending, and a story that you want to share. The rest of it comes as you play along.

* I know that when you get down to it, it's not about how good you are, but how committed you are.

* I know that I'm going to stick with this, and see it through, if for no other reason than I need to see if I'm capable of doing this long-term.

Exploring Relationships

2008-12-06T04:00:00.000+05:30

Slowly, a little too slowly for my taste, I'm making progress on the novel. I've noticed that it helps if I wake up in the morning and know what direction my story's going in. Unless I know what scene I'm going to write for the day, it's a little difficult to get started.

Thinking of a scene a day is not hard. Sometimes the scene will run on for longer than the day's word count, which is great, but other times, it might end up shorter and I have to find more words to fill it. But having a general direction helps.

I've also had to start a tiny little list of things I need to write about during the novel. When I was exploring my protagonist's relationship with her mother, for instance, there were so many more things I realized that I needed to discuss. Her childhood, maybe. A little bit about how that relationship came to be what it is, and why it's important to my heroine's journey now.

All these little relationships that I thought were background information are proving instrumental in what the choices of this character are going to be.

I'm only 10,000 words and 13% into the story, but it's farther ahead than I've ever gotten with a character and story. I'm pretty thrilled with the progress.

Don't know if I'll be writing any more today, but I seem to be on-track with my goals.

Thinking About Gender

2008-12-04T21:48:00.000+05:30

My impulse is to write for an audience of women, but I'm trying extremely hard not to make this work exclusively targeted to female readers. For now, I'm really just following the story and not focusing on the voice. Like I said before, I'm just vomiting the words out, and the voice and the flow and pretty much everything else is something I'll have to deal with in the second draft stage.

However, the more I think about it, the more I'd like to be able to have this book be an intelligent read for all those male friends I admire so much, and who love to read my (non-fiction) work. I'm a very political person, a very socially-conscious person, and while I do tend to write for an audience of women, some of my biggest fans are men.

I'd like my novel to pertain to those readers too. I think my work of fiction is, while unlikely to be political in nature, very likely to be a social commentary. To be a story that reaches across the gender boundaries. Or at least I'd like it to be.

Can't fake voice. And maybe, can't even choose your reader. But maybe, just maybe, those male readers will choose me.

That's the goal.

Excuses, Excuses

2008-12-04T20:45:00.000+05:30

I hate making excuses, and I hate the people making them even more, but it's hard to hate myself that much if I'm supposed to be around me all the time.

So I'll let myself off the hook for now. But I've told myself to knock off this missing-a-day habit because it's getting fucking annoying.

That's not to say that I haven't been thinking about my novel, or even reading up about fiction writing techniques, because I have. All the good intentions have been there, and I've been putting in my two hours a day, even if for the last two days those two hours were spent more on reading about fiction than actually writing fiction.

The truth is that I did kind of hit a wall in my story. I really couldn't think of where to go from the point I had reached. It was important to know where I was going, because I had run out of action scenes. I mean, seriously, how am I supposed to write if I don't know what I'm writing or where the story is going or whatever?

But today, I sat down and decided to write anyway. I didn't really stop to think what I was going to say or what my characters were going to do, and after about 100 words of complete repetitive crap, the course of action became clear all on its own and the words started to flow freely.

And now that I know what's going to happen over the next few days of writing, the actual writing should go smoothly.

I hope I haven't spoken too soon. We know how I have a tendency to do that.

Learning From the Pros

2008-12-01T12:34:00.000+05:30

Phew. My whole day today has pretty much revolved around fiction. I've written double of my target output, but what I've really been doing, is reading.

I've been making my way through the threads on a message board pertaining to fiction writing, and seeing what works for other writers, and incorporating certain techniques into my own writing. I do certainly know better what works and what doesn't, and how to achieve results that work.

I still have very little confidence though. I'm not looking forward to the next phase of this journey-- the rewriting and editing-- because that's when the pressure will be on to write glowing prose. But that's a long way away for now. So I'm trying to keep focused on my current goal-- getting 80,000 words out there onto the page.

So far, so good.

Making Shit Up

2008-12-01T07:30:00.000+05:30

Another 565 words today. As much as I don't want to put pressure on myself to make up for lost time and words, I am trying to put in as much as I can. I'm going to be on holiday for most of December and the beginning of January, and I've decided not to touch any kind of work during that period. Which is why I'm trying to put in as much as I can right now.

Ideally, I'd like to be able to touch the 20% mark before December 10. We'll see. In the meantime, I keep putting words one after the other and know that they're adding up. Hopefully, some of them will be good.

Some parts of writing a novel are much easier than I thought. But keeping the flow of the book going, keeping the action going, is proving harder than I thought. Time to start making shit up.

Plodding On

2008-11-30T19:12:00.000+05:30

Easier going now that I've gotten back into the drift of my story. Despite my insecurities, I'm going to plod on. Even if at the end of this, the only conclusion I reach is that I'm incapable of writing a good novel, I have to give it a shot.

I have to give this one good shot. And then we'll go from there.

In the meantime though, I've been hit with another fabulous idea. Of course, like every other writer on the planet, I considered jumping into that one. But what to do with the book I'm working on? Leave it aside? Work on both simultaneously?

And then I told myself to shut the fuck up and just focus on the book at hand. If after I'm done with this one, that idea still remains, I'll take it up. But for now, let's just get through this, okay?

Writing a novel is hard enough without being distracted by other books and ideas. Maybe that's why I'm being distracted. The book is reaching the middle. Middles are hard. The opening is done, the conclusion is not here yet. I'm exploring relationships and wondering where my character is going to go. For now, she seems to be finding her own directions, but at some point I'm going to have to start making shit up.

Did I mention that this is a lot of fun? Because no matter how hard it is, and how much I've been moaning about that lately, I've been having fun.

I'm in love with writing again. A few months ago, I wouldn't have believed I'd be saying that again so soon.

The Words are Showing Resistance

2008-11-30T18:00:00.000+05:30

It is a hard writing day today. I know it's partly because I'm coming back to the novel after what seems like a long break, but it's also because confidence seems to be running low.

I brought home a novel by an author last week, who I happen to know. She sold her first novel quite easily, and her second novel went on to become a huge success. And I thought she was a brilliant writer. Until I got home her first novel.

It's not that it's bad. It just doesn't suit my taste, I guess. I read the genre a lot, but the novel didn't really connect with me right from the beginning. The opening is amateurish at best, I thought. I'm now in the middle of it, and it seems to be getting better.

Then, of course, before I started writing today, I visited a writer's forum. Another writer I respect posted some of his work. Now, this writer has also published two novels, but the novels were not successful, and I don't even think he has a third book deal. Which is sad, because the excerpt he posted? It was bloody brilliant.

So there I was, sitting down to do my 800 words for the day, and I'm reading fantastic writing by this really talented writer, who wasn't successful in his fiction-writing career. And I'm thinking, I don't write half as well as this guy. What chance do I have?

As much as anyone else I suppose, as long as I keep getting those words out, paying attention to my story, and not giving up.

But you can see why it's been hard. 571 words so far today. More to come.

Firing Away

2008-11-26T10:31:00.000+05:30

It's amazing what guilt can make you do. And accountability, of course. Another 890 words down today, making it a total of 1,760 words. I'm really getting the hang of this, aren't I?

The downer? The story seems to be going in ten different directions. My voice is going in many more. There are characters coming up all over the place, and while I think getting this first draft out might not be such a big issue, boy am I not looking forward to the rewrite that comes later.

But seeing as I don't have to worry about that for the next three months, I'm feeling pretty happy about my productivity.

I know several authors who've said time and again that their books began to form on their own after the first ten or twenty thousand words, so I'm not panicking yet. I'm going wherever my thoughts are taking me without judging their literary merit. I'm singularly focused on meeting word counts.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do for Thanksgiving. I don't have family around, and my boyfriend is currently on a whole other continent. I have invitations from several friends, but a part of me really just wants to be holed up in my room writing.

I'm talking twenty days off in December from all kinds of work and writing (including this novel), so maybe staying in on Thanksgiving isn't such a bad idea after all.

Writing (non-fiction too) is solely responsible for my lack of a social life. But at least I enjoy it.

A Missed Day

2008-11-26T08:00:00.000+05:30

Yesterday was the first time since I started writing that I missed a day. I didn't mean to, but the inspiration was missing, and even though I kept telling myself I would get to it, other work beckoned, and well, it didn't happen.

Don't worry, I chastised myself enough for all of you.

That's the one thing I'm going to try and avoid at every cost-- the missing of days. I know very well how easily a missed day can become two missed days, how two become four, and how one day you wake up, a year has passed, and you're still hoping to write fiction someday.

I don't want to write fiction someday. I want to write fiction now.

I've finished my words for today. Since the 800 came really easily this evening, I'm going to see if I can sit down and crank out another 800 to compensate for yesterday.

2008-11-24T06:26:00.000+05:30

Writing isn't a lottery -- the talk about the "odds" is misleading -- it's a game of skill. If you write total trash, no matter how many manuscripts you send in you won't get picked. If you write Really Good Stuff, the only thing that'll keep it from being published is if you don't submit it.

- James D. Macdonald, Absolute Write Forums

Block by Block

2008-11-24T05:07:00.000+05:30

It is not an easy day for writing. The words are not flowing today. They're sputtering all over the page, and even though I've met half of my daily goal, I'm struggling to get through the next 400 words.

It's only 400 words. And damn, today, they're just coming really hard.

I'm not sure I believe in writer's block. Writer's block, I think, is just a symptom for a bigger problem. Maybe that you're overworked, or underpaid, or not enjoying the kind of writing you're doing. Or, as in my case today, you don't know where to go from here.

It's a temporary hiccup. I started writing as soon as I got up today, and I still feel like I'm mentally clouded.

My quick and easy solution is to jump in the shower and get some perspective. So that's what I'm about to do.

Setting Myself Apart

2008-11-24T03:39:00.000+05:30

I haven't started my work for the day, but I did write a few hundred words last night before the bed. It was the grueling death scene. I did somehow manage to spit it out. And while it was just as intense, if not more, as I'd thought it would be, I'm not really happy with the writing. I'm not worried though. I know I'm looking at a full rewrite after I've managed to vomit the story on to the page.

I came up with this plot idea at the beginning of this year. I'd just about given up on the novel I'd been working on, and wasn't really thinking of jumping back into the game at any point.

But then I read a book-- by Haruki Murakami- a Japanese author, and for some reason, I longed to write again. I wrote a long journal entry around beliefs and dreams and compromises, and then realized later that it was a bit of a synopsis.

At the time, I'd been trying to get out of my current situation, so I applied to a fiction writer's retreat in New York. They needed a synopsis of the work I'd been doing while I was there, so I sent them the edited journal entry.

A few months later, I heard from them-- they loved what I'd sent their way, and while I hadn't been selected, I was on the waiting list. That gave me a bit of confidence, I'll admit. Someone saying that I'd made the shortlist for something I was beginning to believe I had no talent in.

Before I moved to California, I'd gone on vacation with my boyfriend. There, over a nice Italian meal one day, I confessed to my him that I dreamed of fiction. That I even had a plot idea. And I told him my story.

"Oh, have you seen Sliding Doors?" he asked me.

I hadn't.

"It's somewhat similar to the idea you're describing."

The dreams could have ended there, and they almost did. My great original idea was suddenly not so original anymore. But I came home, I watched the movie, and you know what? While it was similar, it wasn't how I was planning to execute my story. It was going to be nothing like Sliding Doors. Sure, there was going to be that element of a life split apart, but that was pretty much the only similarity my book would have to that movie. I loved the movie, I must say, and it gave me more confidence that my idea was worth following through.

So many people give up when they find that a story they're trying to write has been done in some form or the other. I have once before. But now I've realized that there's absolutely no one who can tell my story the way I would have told it. There's only one me. And that's what makes the difference.

Opening the Doors to Inspiration

2008-11-23T07:25:00.000+05:30

Just finished my words for the day. The writing hasn't come easy today, but I met my word count goal. That's not too bad. 800 words, I've realized, isn't a lot of words. That's weird, because in non-fiction, 800 words is a lot of words. Enough to cram in interviews, logic, clever zingers, and all of the rest.

Of course, I'm really just writing a glorified outline for now. The hard work will come later, it seems.

I was on a message board earlier and I was reading advice from the pros on how to write a novel. There's a lot of information about how to start a novel, how to format it, how to count the words, etc. I know a lot of this already, but for now, I'm going to ignore all of it. I am still counting my words using the word count function in MS Word, and I'm not using Times New Roman, and I'm not writing 2,500 words a day.

If I had to write 2,500 words a day at this point, I wouldn't be writing any at all. It's too much for me. I have a busy life, especially right now as a lot is going on, and that seems like too high a daily target. It would be debilitating more than it would encourage me to plod on. Or I might do it one day and give up the next.

800 is nice and easy. I'm in no speed competitions here; I really just want to get the story out. 800, my 1%, is a good pace for me and I'm sticking to it.

The reason I'm also not delving into the formatting and the word counts and all that is because that's easy to get into later. I don't want to distract myself with anything that's unnecessary right now so that my entire focus can be on discovering my characters and their stories.

There's a scene I've been avoiding. It's a depressing scene and although I've been thinking about writing for two days now, I haven't. That's my work for tomorrow. That, and another scene that just came to me.

It's pretty amazing. Once you let loose and open those doors to inspiration, it doesn't take much time to come flooding in.

Making Discoveries

2008-11-23T06:23:00.000+05:30

Just as I was falling asleep last night, a few thoughts came into my head, so I jotted them down quickly. Another character is emerging, from places where I didn't know characters existed.

See, when I started writing this particular novel, I didn't really have much of anything to go on. The first attempt, exactly one year ago, had been the exact opposite. I felt like I knew my protagonist, where she came from, where she wanted to go. I had it all mapped out in my head, and the process of putting it on paper was so tough, mostly because there were two things that kept popping up.

a) She was a lot like me, and I didn't really want to write about me.

b) Because I seemed to know a little too much about her right from the get-go, there was no process of discovery. I knew what I had to know, so I wasn't really having much fun.

This time, I've got a vague idea of who she is, where she's going, and what the point of this book is going to be. But I don't have her pinned down yet. That's part of what's exciting about writing this book. I know how it's going to turn out, but I don't really know what it's going to take to get there. I don't have it all mapped out and laid out for me. So I'm discovering too. That's fun.

It's really early for me to be making discoveries like this, I suppose. Or maybe not. If there's one thing I've learned about writing is that there are no rules and no time-tables. Everyone figures it out in their own time.

So I'm beginning to understand the writers who say they like coming to a blank page to discover what's going to happen next because they don't know. I never really understood it.

I get it now.

Fiction? Non-fiction? Both?

2008-11-22T00:46:00.000+05:30

800 words for the day-- done! 820, actually. And I didn't have to even pull out any hair.

I didn't write one of the scenes I thought I would-- the one in which the character dies. It'll be an emotionally charged scene, and I wasn't really feeling up to it this morning. I might do it later in the day if inspiration kicks in. More likely though, I'll probably just finish up the paying work on my plate today. I have a sort of day off, so I'll be doing stuff around the house.

I've already been grocery shopping and made breakfast. I did get up at 5 a.m., after all. That's so unlike me. I'm usually a night person. Stick around and you'll see.

I spoke to the boyfriend earlier this morning.

"Should I quit journalism?" I asked him.

"No," he replied. "What else would you do?"

The boyfriend knows I have my moments. He also knows that I'm completely in love with my work. I'm a passionate journalist, and I love being one. It's the freelance bit, the troubles of getting work and being able to do the kind of work I want to do, that I've lately been having trouble with. It's losing its appeal. And quickly.

I still haven't figured out who I want to be when I grow up. I've achieved one dream, some level of success, and now here's this other one.

Right now, the non-fiction pays the bills and the novel writing is done in my spare time. In a couple of years, maybe it'll be the other way around. I'm not really sure which way I want it to be yet. Maybe 50-50?

Is it even possible to love both non-fiction and fiction equally?

A Sudden Twist

2008-11-21T21:58:00.000+05:30

I am absolutely mortified by the quality of work that I am producing. It resembles more an outline of events than it does a coherent story.

I'm not sure if I'm the best story teller around, but the only little thing that keeps me going is that I'm pretty sure I have a good plot. If it'll stand tall in front of all those other books out there, I don't know, but I like it. And if the writer likes it, well... right now, that's the only factor, isn't it?

It's been a morning of self-criticism and being too hard on myself. Last night, I was walking home thinking of the next two scenes I want to write-- one of them will be in the middle of the novel, when the readers are going to get a bit of a shock. A character they've grown to love and know so much about, they'll discover, is dead. I didn't really anticipate this when I thought up the plot of the book. It just suddenly came to me as I was walking down the road.

Is this what they mean by the book taking on a life of its own? I haven't written 2,000 words yet and the darn thing is going off on tangents already. Not that I'm complaining. It's a great twist.

I was so excited about it, in fact, that I thought I'd write it as soon as I got home. I kicked off my shoes, got into bed with my laptop, and thought I'd nap for about half an hour before I started, seeing as how I was so exhausted.

I woke up at 5 a.m this morning.

Laying the Groundwork

2008-11-21T00:34:00.000+05:30

This morning as I got up, I felt wretched. I have a full day of journalism work ahead of me, which means I won't be at home until later tonight, and I know I'm going to be completely knackered, so I won't write.

That only leaves me with one option-- write my 800 words before I leave for work.

And this is exactly why I didn't want to get out of bed this morning.

But I'm an adult. For the most part. So I did. And because I would rather do anything than write the darn thing, I read my e-mail, I washed the dishes, I cooked some eggs, and I jumped in the shower. And then it came to me. The next scene.

All I had to do, I realized, was to know the next scene I was going to write, visualize it in my head, and put that into 800 words somehow. Or maybe I could do two scenes. Or whatever. But all I really needed to know was what happened next, not the whole bloody book.

So I thought of the two things that I needed to happen next in my story, and I came out of the shower knowing exactly what I was going to write. And I did. 870 straight words.

Damn, I feel great.

One of the things I'm noticing is that I'm a little conflicted about my voice. Ideally, I'd like to be funny. But I'm also writing what will be deemed a somewhat serious subject. I don't know how to be funny without making a joke of the entire thing. My protagonist will have to be funny, I think, but how I'm going to keep that tone in the book is something I haven't figured out yet.

But I've got rewrites and edits for that. Right now, the way I see it, my job is to get 80,000 words of crap on to the page. We can pretty it up later, we can spice it up, funny it up, whatever. I can think about all the plot holes and the message and all of it at some other point. But right now, my job is to get it all out. Whatever the "it" is. I'm sure somewhere along the way, say at 40,000 words, I'll find the answers to my questions.

But for now, I'm plugging away.

The Grand Plan

2008-11-20T02:12:00.000+05:30

So I have two rules for this blog:

1. I will only post when I've actually done some writing. It doesn't matter how many words I write, but each post will have an update bar below it to show my progress. And of course, unless there's been progress, what's the point of posting?

2. I aim to write 800 words a day. I might do it in spurts like I have done today, or I could do it in one sitting. But the aim is to do 800 words. Per day.

Why 800? Well, for one, it's a nice number. There isn't the pressure of that massive 1,000, and it's still more than 500. It isn't that hard a goal to achieve. Secondly, I've got this nice meter which is tracking how many words I'm writing, and since 80,000 is my goal, an 800-word average means I'm writing 1% of my book every day.

See, I told you I was left-brained.

This also means that I have about 100 days to finish my first draft. That's approximately three and a half months. Which is perfect.

I know I'm looking at a grueling edit, if not a complete rewrite once the first draft is done, but at this pace I should have a complete, ready-to-go novel by the end of six months to a year. Which is pretty cool.

I'm in it for the long haul, people. I've got it all planned.

Now let's see how I do on the action.

Letting Go

2008-11-19T23:25:00.000+05:30

"You do not have to know "how" you will reach your goals to begin. Just begin and let the "how" unfold." - Author Unknown

This is my biggest challenge. As a journalist, a writer of facts, I know how I'm going to approach a story, and I know pretty much what the structure will look like, before I've even written a word. Novel-writing is not the same.

In fact, it's quite the opposite.

As a novelist, I have to show up at that blank page not knowing where my story is going. I have a basic idea that I'm playing with, but that's pretty much it. I don't know the ending of my story, I don't know the middle, I don't know the scenes. And to this left-brained writer, it's such a challenge, the not-knowing.

In my first attempt at a novel, I pretty much outlined every chapter. I divided the total word count (100,000), by the number of chapters I'd have, and then tried to see how many scenes would make a chapter, and how long each scene should be.

Yeah, that went to the trash pretty soon.

The next idea, the idea I'm working with now, is something I've thought about before, but something I haven't really explored in words. Sure, I've written a paragraph here, a paragraph there, I told the boyfriend of the premise, and I've joked about how I long to write fiction. But the act itself is pretty tough. It's scary. It's personal.

And I know personal. I've written essays chronicling my life, my choices, and had good and bad feedback for it, so I'm not completely new to the personal space. My journalist alter ego blogs, too. But this is different. For one, it's a whole book. And two, it's not my life we're talking about, it's my imagination.

For once, I have complete control over what I write. That's what's scary I suppose.

It's a Brand New Day

2008-11-19T18:54:00.000+05:30

What is it about writing fiction that scares the crap out of me? Is it the idea of creating a world from scratch? Is it the thought that there's no fixed structure, no certain rules, no formula for success? Is it the fear that the worlds I dream up, the characters I create, and the situations I put them in won't be good enough?

I've been a freelance journalist for several years. In my other writing avatar, I am what certain people might call successful. I write for magazines and newspapers that you probably read or have read, I earn a decent income from my articles and essays, and I enjoy the writing and reporting process. Writing comes easily to me.

I was living my dream. And then this new dream suddenly materialized from nowhere. And as much as I tried to shake it, it just wouldn't disappear.

But this writing has not come easy. In fact, it's been absolutely terrifying.

So here I am. An aspiring fiction writer. Anonymous, so that my editors don't find me. Nameless, so that I can be accountable without feeling pressured. Ready to give this novel-writing career a go.

Will I make it? Will I give up before I've had a chance to prove myself. Will this dream become a reality?

That's what I'm here to find out.