Discovery or Fill-in-the-Blanks?

I've been writing on an average of 1,600 words a day, which is double the goal I set for myself. I'm pretty pleased. If you remember, the novel had come along at such a sluggish pace that I doubted myself almost immediately.

I have very little self-doubt with this book. I'm pretty sure I'm going to finish it, and finish it well.

That's not to say that the current words I'm writing don't suck. Oh, they do. A lot of it is telling myself what to write instead of actually writing, but I like this way better-- I'm smoothing out the plot and the scenes before actually getting into them and writing them. I'm creating a structure. And once I'm done with the structure, I'll be able to start filling it in.

A non-fiction technique, that is. But I'm used to working like that, I suppose, and it seems to be working.

Maybe, I'm beginning to think, the last two efforts haven't really worked out because I'm not a panster. I need to know what my story is-- what exactly the scenes and the characters are before I get in and start writing.

For me, writing isn't a discovery. I see it as filling in the gaps, the missing pieces.

So far, it seems to be working.

Go, Go, Go!

Wow, I'm pounding out words on this thing. I've written over two thousand words today, and I'm pretty sure I have at least a thousand more in me. I do have other pressing matters to attend to, so I don't know if I'll be able to sit down and knock 'em out, but if I get a free minute, boy, will I!

All right, I'm going to get going again. Strike the iron while it's hot and all that. (I promise, I'm not using all those clichés in my book!)

How's your writing going?

Plotting and the Left-Brained Stuff

I'm currently in the middle of what is, in fiction, considered extensive plotting. I'm not really focusing as much on getting the words right, as much as I'm intent on getting the order of the scenes and events right.

As this is a memoir, there aren't any curves that my characters that will suddenly get thrown that I don't know about. I know exactly what happens and how, and I just have to make sure I've positioned everything correctly so that there's some payoff for the reader. Very left-brained work.

Got another 1,000 words down today. They're not very pretty words, but they're giving me an idea of how I want to structure this story and the way in which I'm going to tell it. I'm sure I can pretty it up later.

Pep Talk of the Day

I plopped my ass into a chair and just got this sucker done today. As much fun as it is, I simply cannot afford to whine any longer. This is a job. True, it is a job I love, but it is a job nonetheless. When I'm working on my articles-- my non-fiction work-- there is simply no way I can complain about writer's block or lack of inspiration or motivation or whatever. I have to get it done. I have deadlines, I have bills, and I have to meet them come hell or high water.

So why can't I do the same with this?

And the reason, while not pleasant, is simple: because I can. Because there's no one holding a sword up to my head and saying that you have to get it done. Because I don't lose income, my reputation, or my dependability for editors. And since those variables aren't involved and there's much less at stake, I give myself a pass. Oh, it's fiction, it's memoir, I say. No one's paying me for it. I can't do it. It's too hard. It's not like journalism. I'm already good at journalism.

What bollocks.

Yes, there's no one paying me to do this (yet), but if I've decided to do it, I should just go ahead and do it, right? You would think it would be that simple.

I know it isn't all that simple, but it doesn't have to be a mountain of work either. I've found that I can easily crank out 500 to 1,000 words in an hour, even if they're crap. So why not just sit down and do it?

That is the plan with this book. No more excuses. No more waiting. It doesn't matter how difficult it is. It's a new challenge. And I'm more than willing to take it up.

I am writer. Watch me roar!

Pressure or No Pressure, This Thing Will Get Done

I got 812 words in today. I have to keep reminding myself that this is just the first draft and I can't tell myself it sucks until I'm at least halfway in, at which point, hopefully, I'll know that regardless of the words, I'm on a good path (or not!).

But for now, I'm just getting started and I'm not supposed to be putting any pressure on myself. Even though there is pressure. This book already has interest from someone who can market it. They like the topic, they like my voice. There is absolutely no reason, none, for me to give up on this one. I just have to pull through and prove that I have what it takes.

So there is a little bit of pressure. But I keep reminding myself that the first draft is just that -- a first and a draft. I'll have time to revisit it later.

Back, but on a New Track

Ah, it's been over six months since I last posted on this blog, and since then, life has changed quite drastically. All good, but for the sake of anonymity, I'll spare you the details.

I finally gave up on the book I was writing. Given the state of the economy, I had to put my entire focus on my paying work, and hence the novel got put on the back burner. When I finally returned to it, I simply had no will to execute it.

It was gone.

In its place is a new book. Not fiction, but memoir.

I thought very hard about this. Whether my lack of motivation was for the book I was writing, for fiction, or something else. I've realized now, after some introspection, that maybe there's a novel in me somewhere, but it's not ready to come out yet.

This book is.

I'm going to continue my 800 words a day regimen again. I can't do it every day this time-- weekends are likely out, as are the days when I'm working. It's a luxury to even have work in this economy so I'm trying very hard to keep it that way!

I'll update the blog on the days that I do write. I'm sure there will be struggles along the way. I'll be sharing.

Slowing the Pace

Oh, how it pains me to write this blog entry. I am happy for all that is happening in other parts of my life, yet I am sad for what this will mean for my novel writing.

I am not quitting. I will continue to write when I can. "When I can" being the operative phrase here. 

I have been offered the chance to write a book. A non-fiction book. It's a very short deadline, which means that while I'll still be writing articles by day, I'll be working on this book by night. I'm going to try and keep at the novel, but the daily goal of 800 words a day seems almost impossible when I consider that I have to write at a pace of 2,000 words a day in order to finish the book on time. I've also got at least four articles due before the end of the month. 

I haven't lost the passion for my novel, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to continue writing it, even if it's at a slower pace. But that's the point of my post, I guess-- a slower pace. I can't update three times a day like I have been doing in the past. 

So, until I see you again-- today, tomorrow, a week from now, who knows?-- happy writing. Keep those words flowing. 

I'll be back with a progress report soon. 

On a Roll

Aren't I Ms. Productive today. Before 12 p.m., and I've already written over 2,400 words. That, my friends, is what I like to call a comeback. 

Not that I'm bragging or anything. 

I'm so tired. I've been working all night (doing the night shifts again), so I'm off to bed. See you tomorrow!

Readers will judge the quality, not the time taken

Despite my negativity, I've finished my words for the day. Persistence, I tell ya. 

I think I'll be okay now going forward. The writing every day habit, the 800 words a day habit, is a good one. It keeps those fiction muscles flexed, and it makes me feel confident that I can go on. 

I'm currently reading The Time Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger. Her first novel. A brilliant, brilliant piece of work. I'm amazed that this is actually her first novel. What a great concept. If you've been reading this blog from the beginning, you'll know that I love alternate realities. I love concepts such as time travel and lives split apart. My own novel is not time travel, but it is lives split apart into different worlds. Obviously, I'm reading TTTW and feeling absolutely and utterly talentless. 

I went to Niffenegger's site, however, so that I could torture myself a bit more, and read through her bio. Do you know how long it took her to write this novel? Four and a half years. She worked on it regularly during weekends, at night, and on holidays. She has a day job, after all. 

Four and a half years. For a novel as complex and wonderful as this? I'm not surprised. My novel is not as complex, but that time period gives me hope. 

It's not about the time you take to write it. It's about the quality of the work. There's no rush. As long as I keep at it, day after day, every day. 

So far, so good. 

Paralyzing Fear

I do know better. I may have had a break of a month, but before that I was writing fiction daily. Yet, I'm coming back to my work extremely agitated and nervous. 

I'm scared. I'm scared that it's not good enough, I'm scared that I don't know what the heck I'm doing, I'm scared that I'm going to be working on this novel for the next ten years without having a clue, and I'm scared that I'm not talentless.

Ah, the usual paralyzing fear. 

Except that I'm determined not to let it stand in my way this time. I've given up before. I've tried and failed. I have to remember that I have nothing to lose, really. If this one doesn't work out, I can go back to a career that I already have, knowing that I tried. 

But, to be fair, what's the reason that it wouldn't work out? There's always editing, there's always rewriting. I, a professional writer, should know that. 

So it might take two years, five years, ten years. Is that so bad?

Revisiting

In order to get back into my story again, I decided to read what I'd already written.

Oh my.

I was scared going in because I knew that I haven't exactly written flawless prose and there's a lot that's going to make the perfectionist part of my brain want to run to the nearest toilet bowl and throw up repeatedly.

But I survived. And the good news is that it's not bad. I didn't immediately want to watch re-runs of Gilmore Girls and eat nachos.

Oh, but there's so much work to do still. I'm only just getting into the meat of the story. I think I have a somewhat vague idea now, a better one than I did before, of what exactly I'd like this story to be. I'm cutting out the travel that I mentioned earlier. Me thinks that's a whole other book, so I'm not going to get into that.

You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you? Maybe I should start sharing a little bit of the story here as well. Not details, but maybe names of characters or small things like that, which might make this rambling journal a little bit more interesting.

We'll see.

I can't say I have renewed passion for this work again. But I'm still excited about it. Enough to continue down this path and keep going on those 800 words.

They're just coming a little slower today.

I is Back

Holy cow, that was a long vacation, wasn't it?

I've been back to work for the last one week, but it's only now that I'm getting to fiction writing again. There was a lot to catch up on. 

How were your holidays?

I haven't set any major new goals or resolutions this year when it comes to my fiction writing. The previous goals still stand-- 800 words a day, every day, until the first draft is finished. Then, I'll go back and revise. If I can have a finished, ready-to-submit novel by the end of this year, I'll have achieved my goals. 

In the month that I've been away from the writing, I've had some ideas and tangents that could possibly be explored, but for the most part, I've found that I'm somewhat disconnected from the story. 

Today or tomorrow, whenever time permits, I'm going to give it a read-through, see what scenes I have, and maybe organize them on index cards. I'm at a point in the novel that I don't really know where I'm going and what blanks I've left unfilled, so I need to fill those in for the sake of the story and what's to come. I've forgotten a large part of what I wrote. 

It's time to revisit. 354 words so far today. It's taking a lot more effort to get back into the writing. Oh, why did I ever stop?